Knowing Your X-Factor

Emily Dickinson said, “Hope is that thing with feathers,” and I agreed with her. I wake up every morning hoping this day will be one my wife and I enjoy. That is true most of the time, but life doesn’t always throw its slow balls; sometimes, a fastball comes blistering toward home plate, daring us to swing at it, threatening our existence if we pause for an instant. I have had my fair share of those darned things; fortunately, I have managed to co-exist with them. I don’t know how to handle horrible situations, but I have navigated their effect on my life thus far. This could easily change. 

I know also that how I handle stress may not work for others. We all need to develop the skills to handle adversity. My wife is much better at this than I am, and I’m always amazed at her ability to accept an unpleasant situation and move on. I know her solution, and I will tell you, with the admonition, that you cannot tell her what I have done. Her reasoning is that you accept the reality of the situation, then focus on what has to be done, and once that has been accomplished, stay busy with other chores to the point of exhaustion. I have seen it work for her many times. She used it when her youngest son (Mark) passed away last December. Many of us could not move on, accepting his passing, to believe he will never return to us. She has done that, and I wish I could do the same. I still look at his picture on my wall daily and speak to him. I wonder when that will end. Yes, I have moved past the grieving process, but I still need to move through the acceptance part. 

 I have discovered over the many years of my existence that if I ever wake up and all hope is gone, life will be less exciting, and the four walls that keep me safe from the elements will become my prison. We all need to find the X-factor of our existence, that essence of us that defines how we motivate ourselves. If I drew a line across the middle of a blank sheet of paper. Placed positive things above the line and negative things below chronologically, connecting each with a line; it would be a good starting place. Now, look at the events below the line and remember how you handled each. That is when you discover the X-factor in your life. What did you do to handle each situation? Therein lies the answer. Once you make the discovery, bring it into play when tragedy strikes. Never use it sparingly; there is no limited supply of “X.”

Once you discover your “X-Factor,” the clouds part and the sun shines on your life. The walls you thought were closing in are now doing only what they were meant to do; keep you safe from the elements and give you a place to rest when exhaustion from your daily life requires you to sleep or watch a little TV 😊. So, hope is that thing with feathers that can fly away if we let it. Be vigilant; keep it firmly in your hand because you need it as an integral part of your life. Be aware that life’s broad road narrows to a dot on the horizon, and we need hope and determination to get us there. Laozi said, “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.” I believe that to be true.

 I watched the evening news on TV a while ago, and it showed college students in massive demonstrations nationwide. Some were showing solidarity with the Palestinians, others with Jews. Many of them carried signs to support their view, and others had sandwich boards. The thought crossed my mind; what if everyone was required to wear a sandwich board? What would mine say? What is my most vital held belief/opinion? That required me to pause and think. What would I want the world to know about my most potent convictions? 

I’m a rather bland person, devoid of opinions that motivate me to do something, like wearing a sign supporting a cause. My wife and I support good causes financially, but you don’t really put yourself on the line with that type of support. I was a labor union member as a very young man, and I was expected to walk the “Picket Line. Would I be willing to stand on a street corner with a sandwich sign expressing my deeply held beliefs? Regrettably, I am not willing to do that, but the question lingers; what are my deeply held convictions? 

Well, I was against our Supreme Court rejecting a woman’s right to control her body by rejecting Roe vs Wade. That leaves me wondering why they allow a man to have a vasectomy if they cannot protect a woman’s right to abort a pregnancy. That’s something I feel strongly about. Imagine the protests by men if they were forbidden from doing that.

 I am against politicians drawing lines that allow them a better chance of being elected (gerrymandering). We should reduce or eliminate our use of plastic, which has a short-term practical existence (bottles/cartons/plastic gloves). Our cars pollute our environment, and we should move towards an eco-friendly solution, whatever that may be. We should treat homeless people kindly, not just hand them a $20 bill, roll up the window, and move on when the light changes from red to green. 

Do I need to pick one of those firmly held opinions, make a sandwich sign, head off to a prominent street corner, and put it on? The good comments from those who pass by will make me feel good, but what about those people who will think I’m an idiot? Make no mistake, they are out there. Will I have the backbone to withstand their strong criticism and soldier on? Should I leave the protest to our younger generation since they have more energy, can yell louder, and have thicker skin? Does my carrying a sign signify my lack of tolerance for those who disagree with me, and am I assuming that my views are more important than theirs? 

Sadly, I am not inclined to strap a sign-on and protest. I attribute that to my age. As a younger guy, I would do it in a heartbeat. I realize that is not a suitable answer, but it is truthful. Wait until you get to be my age, and you will probably feel the same way😊.