As My World Turns

Every morning I get up and amble down to the stable and mount one of two of my favorite horses. I mostly like to ride the one named “Assumed”, but I also enjoy riding “Expectation”. Both are strong and fast and can carry me until the sun goes down. They have served me well during my lifetime, even though I have been advised several times not to rely too much on them. As I have aged, so have they, and it’s not a pretty sight. Several times lately, both of those fine stallions have let me down.

I “Assumed” my life would continue happily along as I got older and that everything would remain good. Well, that horse has started to falter somewhat. I “Assumed” my children would be here to bid me farewell when my time came to exit this life. That did not hold true for my son who passed away last year. I assumed the ones I love would continue in good health, yet a lot of them are struggling with various maladies. It reminds me of seeing pictures of a wildfire that burns every home in sight except one and it is left untouched. I’ve pretty much concluded that my turn is coming sooner or later. I’m just standing in line, waiting for my turn at the old “Fight for Your Life” treadmill.

“Expectation” isn’t fairing much better, and as a matter of fact, he has lost a lot of stamina and gusto. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to get him out of the stall and ready for the day’s ride. Things that “Expectation” used to do well, now he falters and sometimes fails. I was always able to climb our ladder to our roof and blow off pine straw, sticks and gumballs. Now it is a risky thing for me to do. I was always able to prepare the yard for seeding in the fall, doing the necessary thatching, aerating and fertilizing in one fell swoop. Nowadays, it takes several days for “Expectation” to amass enough energy for all those chores.

So, I’m heading in the direction of retiring those two trusty steeds. They have served me well, but all good things come to an end. The rock I’ve been pushing all my adult life just seems to be getting heavier and I need to switch to a smaller rock. Rabindranath Tagore said, “You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.” I agree with him, but maybe, you get to a point where you have no desire to cross the sea?