The Saddest Day of My Life!


The saddest day of my life happened on June 16, 2018.  That is the day my son, Rusty, passed away.  He turned 58 on the 13th and died three days later, surrounded by his three daughters, his sister, and me.  He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (stage4) on April 23rd, living less than two months after the diagnosis.  I have always known that if I lived long enough people that I loved and cherished would die, but I never expected to lose one of my children.  The sun that shines in my world is not quite as bright; the music not as comforting and my thoughts are no longer entertaining and fun.  I’m hoping that will change as time goes by, but I’m not giving any odds on that happening anytime soon.  I know several people that have lost a child within the past year and I thought I knew how much they were suffering.  Come to find out, I had no idea of the grief they endured.  The day before my son died I was sitting in the hospital room with him and his sister and this is what I said to him, “I want to talk to you about an idea I have.  Whomever passes first, you or me, will try to contact the other from Heaven by leaving a sign in the dew or frost on our truck window.â€Â  After telling him what the sign should be, he kinda smiled and said, “I don’t think God will allow us to do that.â€Â  I replied that, “if he doesn’t, then we can’t but if he does, then we should do it.â€Â  He agreed we should try.  So, I’m guessing that I will spend the rest of my life happily looking for that sign.  If I don’t get it, I will still believe my son is in Heaven but if I do, then I will know for sure.  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., said of his wife passing away at age 88, “O Cosmos-Now lettest thou thy ganglion dissolve in peaceâ€.  Amen!   If love can be measured in tears, then my son knows he is dearly loved. Good bye son, give Mom & Dad my love, and say hi to your Mother too…. Dad