🎋Time Lost🎋… by JoAnn

A broken pocket watch laying in the sand.

Never in a million years did I think I would be “that” person. The one that would let years and years go by without speaking to a loved one that I felt had deceived me and broken my trust, not to mention my heart.

Two people, friends or family, go years with a black spot on their hearts where that loved one used to be, for whatever reason, choosing never to look back and emotionally block that person from their life. I have heard stories all of my life of loved ones becoming estranged due to something that had broken their line of trust so profoundly that their love for one another became hidden. Hidden so deep inside their heart, one or both could not comprehend the idea of forgiveness.

I used to think how sad it was for a family or friendship to be broken in such a way. How could siblings, best friends, parents, and children go years without talking to one another? Without seeing one another? I never thought I could allow such distress into my own life.
Recently, I had to be honest with myself that I had become one of those people.

It all began when I found a photo of someone I used to know well and love online. They looked the same, just older. They looked happy, which in return, made me happy. I was glad to see them and realized I had missed them. I had to admit to myself that I still cared about that person. The things that had caused me to shun them from my life didn’t seem so big anymore. In fact, nothing was big enough to have spent the past fourteen years apart from them. Suddenly I felt ashamed. I had become the person I never thought my soul could be. A person that could not forgive.

I have never wanted to be an unforgiving person. I have received an abundance of forgiveness in my life, and I always want to return it. My faith in Jesus Christ, the ultimate forgiver, has taught me over and over again how forgiveness can heal almost any broken heart. Why had I not allowed it to heal mine until fourteen years later? Why now? So much time has passed. So much time that we can’t get back. I had to be honest with myself again and realize that I had never allowed forgiveness into my heart. I had held so tightly to my stubbornness that forgiveness couldn’t get through. I had no one to blame but me.

I reached out to said loved one from my past, not knowing how they would respond. I was nervous, but I knew in my heart it had to be done. Would they reply, or would I be met with silence? Maybe their stubbornness was stronger than mine. I had to know, for my heart could not rest. Much to my surprise really, I received an immediate reply. We had broken the ice. I now have hope that old wounds can be healed.

I do feel a sense of sadness and deep regret that so many years have been wasted. Years that we missed out on seeing and talking to each other. And for what? Something so minuscule that I struggle even to remember the cause. Too bad it took me so long. I have indeed learned a very valuable lesson from all this.

My hope is if you are estranged from someone you still care about, that you will be encouraged by my story to try to make things right again. It’s never too late for our hearts to find forgiveness.