🎋Shuckin’ Corn🎋… by Larry

Recently, my friend Larry attempted to pay the local newspaper (The Mountaineer) his subscription dues. He is trying to explain to the owner why he was unable to pay on time. Enjoy his letter to the editor/owner…

Deer Mountainear,
I bins a tryin’ to git yer scripshun paymint to youse down thar in the vally. Boy O Boy ! Have I had difficultees! As ye knows, the mail don’t run up hyar on the mountain, an I has to walk offen the mountain to fetch our mail, ceptin’ when I’m a goin’ to Food City, and then I rides my ol’ ornery Pack Mule and ties her up, whilst I cross the railroad tracks and river and comes to yer place to take a gander at the Weekly Speshuls, whichen we’s wooden even know about iffen hit woulden for yore fine newspaper!

Granny Ruth an about a dozun others on the mountain reeds hit frum kiver to kiver! Good Job!!
God Bless the Mountainear and God Bless Steve Smith!!

Granny Ruth tols me I had to come and gives you the scripshun money personly, since our goat ate up the first one. Aint nuthin’ thet ornry critter wont eat!

Anyways, I wont to see that Keyla gal what sits in the front and give her a Halo and gits this weeks paper at yer office.

My Pleasure! But hits a long way offen the mountain and even tho that river water’s cold, hits wurth the trip!

(Ain’t no way weuns kin raze all we needs, even with all the chickens, cows and hogs runnin’ around on our little farm.)

We’s a havin’ a time up hyar on the mountain, but what’s time to a hog?

We ares doin’ a lot of cannin’ in a washtub down by the spring, withen a hot fire underneath! Good drinkin’ water two!

Parden me iffen I’m a givin’ more infermashun then youse wanted to know. I dos tend to carry on a bit.

Anyways, about that scripshun, I’ll be by soon afore youens whup a Big Cancel on us pore mountain hillbillies.

Thank Ye! Thank Ye!

Corn

Until next time…